Trans-Real News – Episode 12: Storm Warning
News Brief
Reality storms coming in.
Elevated global irreality comes to 0.15‽
Reality Warfare spreads with increased cuil
Keep your Indigo Child home, keep their classmates out of the Cornflied
Loving Perception reveals love-bot skin made from processed televistic slime
Timespace Forecast (1’15”)
Increased reality storms or even superstorms coming in.
The best material for an irreality readiness kit:
tourist magazine with plenty of photos of public figures and public landmarks
quantum-fixed fabric envelope
smartphone with a SIM card connected to a higher-sphere communications service
bottled water for several days
food with simple produce ingredients
blessed weaponry
hand-cranked radio
iodine pills
battery-operated pocket watch
stocked first aid kit
giger counter
battery operated irreality with 4‽ range
Our Sponsor (2’55”)
Tul O’Phala has the magic that works! Reasonable resurrection services for you or your loved ones.
Advisories (3’40”)
We really can’t emphasize how dangerous reality storms can be, Lovelies.
Safe places to wait out reality storms:
Joshua forests of Arizona
the Great Wall of China
the shores of the Amazon
Wichita, Kansas
Make sure you know exactly how much irreality you astral vessel’s engines can take.
Captured Conversation on a Hot Mic (5’00”)
[Yaron] Klie, glad to see you in the studio, got a minute?
[Klie] Of course, Yaron! I hadn’t expected to see you back again so soon. How is your netherworldly friend?
[Yaron] All gone, thank God.
[Klie] I’m glad. Spiritual parasites can be a real misery. Almost like that ad we just played. Ugh.
[Yaron] Yeah… looks like Tul’Ophala is raking it in.
[Klie] You were good publicity.
[Yaron] I guess… but that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about.
[Klie] This sounds intriguing. What’s on your mind?
[Yaron] Look… Klie… you’ve been dead before right? A few times?
[Klie] More than I care to count. And I’ve come back in more than a few ways.
[Yaron] How do you… you know, get over that last hump?
[Klie] Which hump, darling?
[Yaron] You know. The doubt. The wondering, am I really still me? Wondering if the real you is off in Heaven and you’re just, you know… a half-rate copy?
[Klie] I don’t think I ever did. I just found other ways to entertain my mind than feeding my anxiety.
[Yaron] Really?! You? I’d’ve though that the guy they called Bloodw—
[Klie] tu-tut-tut-tut. I’d rather not hear that name out loud, Darling. Different me from a different time. You have been doing your homework, haven’t you, you nosy boy? You might be too good a reporter for this outfit.
[Yaron] Sorry, I, uh…
[Klie] Think nothing of it. Tell you what, let’s you and I go grab a beer or three, and I will help you work through it as good friends. Just no talk about the bad old days, hmm?
[Yaron] Yeah. Okay. I’d like that.
[Klie] Don’t worry, darling, you don’t “know too much.” I’m not going to murder you again. I just don’t like to talk about it. Boundaries.I really am a different man now.
[Yaron] Thanks, Klie.
[Klie] Tch– and someone left those damnable microphones on again, too. I’m starting to suspect someone is up to no good.
“Deep Future Garage” by RoyaltyFreeMusic